Integrity
Do it even if you don’t feel like it
Today is Thursday. I have made a commitment to show up with a self portrait each Thursday. I am tired and cranky and feeling pretty low for no reason I can specify. But lately I have been taking my commitments and my word more seriously. So here is my Across the Room Self Portrait.
This photo was taken last week. I had told Trey we would go to the park before music class. I had some things I needed to do that took up some of the precious time I had thought would work for a walk. It would have been easy to cancel the plan. I chose not to. I chose to drive to the neighborhood park and run through the woods with Trey like I said I would.
I was wearing black and brown that day. Brown knee highs and my black boots. I had promised Trey on our last walk that I would wear my sneakers next time so we could have races. I had a moment of irritation that I didn’t have time to take off my socks and find other ones.
Show up.
I chose to keep my word and put on my sneakers with the brown knee highs and not care what anyone at the park would think.
I have been having moments where I feel I could capture an across the room moment in our day, but then it feels too complicated. I don’t know the best way to set it up, I can’t figure out how to do it. I have chosen not to take the photo of me at the acupuncturist (where would I put the camera- wouldn’t she think I was strange…), or the one of me working out in the basement (That means I would have to have on decent workout gear right…and what about the disheveled basement…). All of this is about being self conscious and worrying what others think either in the moment or when they see the photograph.
So despite the socks and not knowing how to set it up, I decided to bring my camera and remote anyway. I would just give it a try and not care if it came out nicely….and so what if I was wearing brown knee highs with my dorky sneakers. The point of this project is to capture moments of our everyday…to keep a visual journal of how things really are. At least that is what it is turning into being about…
I didn’t want to redirect the focus of our quick visit to the park to taking pictures. I see I can do that. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to capture the moment I am no longer in the moment. So I decided I would give it a 10 second try and that was it. I put my camera on the ground as we arrived at the park and then we took off. I captured Trey but missed me because I am still learning how far the range of my remote is.
When we reached the top of the hill and started down the first trail I set my camera down and gave it 10 seconds and captured the first image above and then at the bottom of the hill I put the camera on the bench and got this one:
It’s all about showing up. What does showing up look like for you?
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by Thea
Always inspired by your spirit and beautiful heart as well Lynne!
oh wow Thea! and there you took the photo of you doing exercise too…pretty girl! While reading this post, i was thinking yes, yes, yes, yes. if feels as if i’m right there with you in all the feelings….must admit it gets easier to put he trainers on with the brown socks… and not to be concerned what others think… but so with you.
mmmm… i’m so inspired by your spirit and your beautiful heart xx
I have endless admiration for your fortitude. How you continue to show up. how you keep your focus and keep the drops in the bucket coming because you know the bucket will fill, eventually– and you do not discount the very small size of that one drop, that one day– you inspire me– you walk a path I very much want to follow. xoxoxox, e
I loved this post Thea. Show up. You’re right, it is so easy to skip it or get wrapped up in the day. thank you for sharing.
@Bella: open kitchen cabinets are a feature in our house too
Sweet girl. You dorked out with your sneaks & brown socks because you love your boy. And that’s why he thinks you’re a rock star.
What I’m learning through capturing these moments with you is that real life isn’t neat. It’s messy, with open kitchen cabinets & dark circles on my face because I’m tired, and bad lighting because my camera freaks me out.
But that’s how it goes down, like little bubbles of beauty inside of a distorted mess.. and that’s ok because it is where we are at, where we are comfortable. (or uncomfortable).
I’m so happy you are leaning into capturing your everyday – no matter what it looks like. It’s sooo not easy, and I totally get that. xo
this is great. i love how you put the sneakers on anyway.
i am very much in the same place, of just pushing through the discomfort and cranky moods to get to the other side, which holds what i said i was going to do. and sometimes it’s surprising how good of a decision pushing through was!